I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me i tasted like america
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize