i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
