i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
