So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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