I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
