Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
