Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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