my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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