how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize