Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
