how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just gargled with NyQuil
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
