69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
