It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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