I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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