they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
