I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
