Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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