Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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