I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
