that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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