Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found the puke drawer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize