She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
