operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
