Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
