I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
