So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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