Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
