she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
