So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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