ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
