My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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