no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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