I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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