she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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