They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
