I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
