The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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