Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
