she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
