paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize