C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
