Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
