Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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