so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
