Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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