if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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