i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
