i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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