I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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