my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
