I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
