Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
