the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
