you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
