she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
