Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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