how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
