I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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