I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
