Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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