I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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