I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
