He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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